Misstep

Well they say sometimes you have to take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back to see any progress.

Unfortunately yesterday was a 3 steps back kinda day - right back to losing my hard-won independence I'm sorry to say.

The Oracle has been a saint - more than that really.  He has done things for me that no person should have to do for another and it is a sign of his love for me that he does them - always - with a smile, a laugh and a gentle touch.

For this I will be forever grateful.

And the man needs a break from it all - so when I take my daily 2-hour nap he tries to get a few errands done outside of the house.  We figure, I'm good for a full and solid 2 hour snoozefest so he can at least get to the next town over and do whatever needs to be done.

It's worked out pretty well so far, until yesterday.

He did as he has done for the past few days; got me settled in for my nap and then promptly left the house.  About an hour into my nap I woke up to mother nature's call...

...and it would not be ignored. So I used that nifty P.T. trick to get myself out of bed.  All went well until the foot of my op-leg slipped off of everything, including right off the side of the bed.  And my body was in such a position that there was nothing to stop it from going from the top of the bed to the floor.

Which ... nothing felt bad.  I scolded myself for trying to move too fast and got on with getting upright.

That's when things revealed themselves to be - not good.  Upright and moving proved to be - painful.

Pain I hadn't had yet; pain I shouldn't be having.  Like someone jabbing a knife deep into my groin with each and every step.  Have that happen once or twice and you start anticipating the pain - which is a pain of its own kind.

All sorts of thoughts ran thru my head including damage to the prosthetic joint.  Which was quickly dismissed on the advice with my last hip replacement that if you do any kind of damage to the joint - you won't be able to move or speak because all you'll be able to do is scream because the pain is beyond anything you can describe.

So I had that going for me, which was nice. :-) (Yes, I still miss Our Beloved Lex more than I can say.)

I managed to get my business done and was now faced with having to get back into bed; you see I'm taking this monstrously-dosed muscle relaxer and it leaves you quite groggy. Once you give in to sleep ... its full measure will not be denied.

So I somehow found a way to get back into bed and then began wishing my Oxycodone was near to hand instead of at the other end of the house.

Anyway, The Oracle got home sometime later and I revealed all.  He was of course concerned and upset with me for hurting myself.

I don't give in to tears of pain very often; yesterday was a rare exception.

Icing and an Oxycodone and pretty soon the pain was down to a hushed whisper.  Today it is nearly gone.

As is my independence.  On the advice of my P.T. (who we spoke with last night) I am not to make that nifty trick move again until she is here, tomorrow, to check things out herself.

And as much as this pisses me off - no one could have been more upset with me yesterday than myself - I am OK with letting The Oracle, once again, help me up and down, on and off.  I don't want that pain again.

But I will win back my independence again - one step at a time.

Oh yes and the meantime because I didn't have enough ... I have a head cold.  Spiked a fever last night that freaked me out a bit. But some Tylenol and a good night's sleep have seemed to set things to rights.

And today I get my first visitor!  One of the dearest people I know - Dottie - a gentle and kind soul from church.  Dottie and her husband Peter were, in fact, our teachers for our conversion process 2 years ago.

(Can it be 2 years already? Oh my but it is...wow.)

We hit it off with them from the start and they are now considered some of our nearest and dearest friends.  When you meet them you just can't help but fall in love with them - they are that non-threatening, they are that genuine. Well that and the fact that Peter looks like a comfortable slipper that you just can't wait to try on and Dottie has ... pink hair. :-)

And they live about 2 miles from us, go figure.  We had never met them until 2 years ago yet we'd been neighbors for nearly 10 years.

Anyway, Dottie will bring me 2 things that I have missed - the conversation of a friend and Communion.

I knew I'd miss both of these things very much; I actually wept when we left church the day before my surgery - I didn't know how long it would be until I would be physically back to the place I love so much.  I knew I could receive Communion anytime but...the socialization at church with all those wonderful people.

Missing both of those things, entwined as they are, was very hard for me to deal with.

And today - voila! Both things that my soul has been feeling quite parched for will be at my home in about an hour.

Funny thing - I knew I'd miss Communion.  I just never knew how much I would until it wasn't readily available.  I think in some ways right now I miss Communion more than I miss my friends.

And one final thing for today: the prayer shawl is gone.  I have never heard back from the hospital nurses, all of whom assured me they would contact me if it was ever found.  I have no reason to doubt that they would.  So I only pray that whoever in the laundry room at the hospital took the prayer shawl - that the prayers knitted into the very fabric of that shawl were needed by them far more than by me.  And that all those prayers - and my forgiveness - give them the healing that they desired so badly that they would take something that didn't belong to them.  In reality, it was only a shawl.  It's what was deep within the shawl that gave it its power.  And that power was bestowed upon me by women who love me - and no one can ever take that away.  For that is the Holy Spirit - and he is everywhere and for everyone.