I've had a few days now to digest news I got last week...time enough that I can finally share it without my blood pressure rising.
The 2 jobs I was up for...fell through.
To say that I am disappointed would be an understatement. To say that I am angry about one of them...would also be a vast understatement.
One of them I didn't get because another executive retired and her admin would have lost her job. While I wouldn't want to see that happen, and while it does take the sting out a bit, it still sucks. But hey...at least it's a clear reason that makes total sense and even illustrates some humanity in the decisions made in the Fortune 100.
It is the other one that leaves me breathless with anger. I was put forward for that one; never actually applied for it - I was recommended by 6 people I had met with for the other position.
An extremely senior level executive - and I gave the interviews of my life. Met with him twice in one day, at his request. By the time we were nearing the end of the second meeting, he was saying things like "when you" and "we will"...indicators of a favorable outcome for me (and him, he'd have gotten the executive assistant of his life).
I met with 2 other people that same day...and they both told him I should be his number one choice. In fact, by my count based on firsthand information, a total of 9 people suggested that I would be the very best possible choice. That it would be a no-brainer for him. Hire me, plug me in and let me run.
Instead...he hired someone from outside the company who supposedly has more experience than me.
Not only do I have 8 YEARS of internal company experience...I have over 30 years of executive assistant, office management, project management and human resource generalist experience.
What does this person he hired have? Wings???
I am quietly digging around to see if I can find out the truth...because the above is what I called it. Pure, utter bullshit.
My theory is that it is a "courtesy hire". Some other executive has a daughter or niece or cousin or friend of a friend...because quite frankly, what else could it be?! Even the executive himself gave me every indication that the job would be mine.
The mature part of me understands that this wasn't the right position for me, that there is something better out there that I will connect with at the appropriate time.
The part of me that needs a change, that needs to do something else...is getting there, very slowly.
The control freak in me is rebelling with all her might against what I know intellectually to be the truth - that God has this - that it is His will I must acknowledge.
There is a saying that I have had posted at my desk for a couple of years now; it has stood me in good stead during some pretty rough moments:
I am grateful for so many things. I just pray for continued strength.
Because in truth - my confidence is getting shaken. This is the 5th time I haven't gotten an internal job for one reason or another. It's hard at this point not to think that there might be something fundamentally wrong with me...that I'm not seeing. I continue to request specific feedback each time and only once was it really not about me. If there is something I'm doing wrong or unintentionally misrepresenting...I need to know. Else I will continue to go thru this soul-crushing experience.
Which, to that last, I have no intention of continuing this cruel joke for much longer. Earlier this week I posted for my 6th opportunity since January. If nothing comes of it I plan to suspend my search for a bit. Give myself a chance to take a breather, get some perspective, gain distance between me and these disappointments.
I am grateful. I have a good job at a stable company. I am well-respected and valued by my peers. And even His Nibs continues to show signs that after over 3 years he finally sees the power he has in his admin.
For now I have to hang my hat on that. Which isn't awful...just confusing.